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"Active listening" is not a technique

Rattraping my reading, I went through an article on Active Listening. It was seller – focused and the author made the following statement: " Listening actively makes them feel as if they were heard … "

I'm sure it 's not what the author intended to communicate, but it made me think of many other things that I' d like. I hear and read about active listening.

Active listening – at least active listening – is not a technique. We know some of the things we do in active listening: read what the individual says, reflect, question / interview. They are all very important and very useful for understanding.

And it 's really the purpose of active listening – it' s to understand, it 's to want to learn, it' s really worrying about it. Active listening is not good because the other party has the impression of being heard, active listening works because the person is really heard.

Active listening allows us to see things from the client's point of view, not just factually, but emotionally. We come to understand their hopes, their dreams, their aspirations. We come to understand their fears, their worries. We can not actively listen if we are not engaged.

Can you imagine, listening, browsing the texts on your phone, nodding sympathetically and periodically saying "I feel your pain …" Yeah, I know I'm exaggerating, but sometimes the Active listening discussions seem to be variants.

Ironically, active listening / engagement usually engenders active listening / engagement. In other words, when we actually listen, the people we listen to tend to start listening actively.

Then we – each person – engage in a conversation. Then we commit to learning / discovering. We become more open to different points of view. We become empathic rather than sympathetic.

People buy people who listen to them. People buy from people they trust, people buy from people who care about it. People buy people who can and want to help them succeed.

It only starts with active listening.

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